Sounds like a dry subject out of Personnel, but maybe not so much when it’s an obsessive compulsive megalomanic candidate. I know it’s not anyone we know, but just in case it ever comes up. A few strategies suggest themselves. The problem is which to use applicable to the specific quirks of the particular candidate.

Golden Parachute

Money helps is a time worn cliché, but it carries several grains of truth, 7 billion to be exact. Which is roughly what a golden parachute costs these days. Several caveats are required, things like non-disclosure clauses, cease and desist clauses, and prohibition of employment in any competing concern located less than hundreds of miles distant. Most candidates state their price, but for sticklers, this route may not be paved so much in gold, as obstacles. There are alternatives.

Re-Assignment

This time-worn strategy works for certain candidates who badly need evading prosecution once their tenure is over. Motivation is 9/10th of the law. Just because the strategy names Chad does not mean the candidate needs reassignment to Chad every time, or anytime, for that matter. It simply needs to be a very poor country which needs the play off billions to build more boondoggles, and other infrastructure, and whose president-for-life is short of bricks needed to stretch the presidential palace three more blocks, and install gold toilet seats throughout. Any number of shit hole countries qualify, provided they’re appropriately needy.

Canonization

This time-worn strategy works well when vanity needs to become statuesque. Regrettably, it requires several steps, beatification being one of them, by-passing the Congregation of Saints is another. But with time, patience, and emoluments for indulgence of the candidate’s photo opportunities, it can be done at stratospheric cost. But there is one last strategy that remains untested.

Deification

Deification is sure balls of fire, but hard to pull off. Essentially it requires globalization of the godhead.

Viareggio carnival balloon

But not just any godhead, the godhead of the personnel candidate who requires severance, but who is loathe to call the fleet of moving vans to empty all the desks located on all the golf courses, spas, and casinos, not to mention camera-studded hotel rooms. Although all bets are off, here the results can lord it over all others, yielding entirely more celestial bang for the bucks. But Pageantry is required, a flare for suggestive costuming, large medals preferred, and above all, parades and military bands. Fences, Walls and Staircases are part of the mis en scene, requiring the candidate to mount them without the sad hesitation he may have shown of late. But this minor detail can be faked by installation of a solid gold escalator to further dazzle the faithful.

Et Voila!

Our candidate has safely ascended to command his rightful place. As he’s fired into Space, he elbows aside the make-do gods of innumerable world cultures: Chinese gods, Japanese gods, African gods, Western gods, Protestant and Catholic, Aboriginal gods, indigenous gods, the entire Indian pantheon, Arabic, even Tuvalese gods. Sound sacrilegious?

It works! To quote mot-juste Madeleine Albright: It’ll be worth it.

Other news from the week:

Syria in Seattle: Commune Defies the U.S. Regime by Pepe Escobar

This article by a foreign correspondent contrasts black lives matter, and the deep analysis of black panthers and other radical programs of the 60s. Black Lives Matter, founded in 2013 by a trio of middle class, queer black women very vocal against “hetero-patriarchy”, is a product of what University of British Columbia’s Peter Dauvergne defines as “corporatization of activism”….Follow the money. Black Lives Matter profited in 2016 from a humongous $100 million grant from the Ford Foundation and other philanthropic capitalism stalwarts such as JPMorgan Chase and the Kellogg Foundation.

From Occupation to Occupy: the Israelification of U.S. Domestic Security

It Sure looks like Trump and Adelson have cut a deal on annexation

Israel Gov’t Plans to Annex Palestinian West Bank by July 1st

Footage from 1992 shows Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump at Party

Tell your local officials: end police violence and reimagine public safety.

Support reallocating pentagon funds sponsored by Lee, AOC, and Jayapal.

If you wanna vote in November, support the P.O.

After years of wasted spending, congresswomen Lee, AOC and Jayapal call to cut Pentagon budget and reprioritize programs that keep us safe.

California sanctuary law stands after Supreme Court refuses to hear #45 appeal.

Buffalo Police Benevolent Association forced mass resignation of ERT squad.

West Coasts Ports to shut down for George Floyd.

Louisville Metro Council votes to ban no-knock warrants as advocates demand arrest of three officers (murderers) who killed Breonna Taylor..

Seattle protestors take over city blocks to create cop-free autonomous zone.

Thousands of activist phone calls and emails prompt Louisville Metro Council to vote unanimously to pass Breonna’s law.

U.S. Senate panel passes amendment baring use of troops against protestors.

Dem primary voters reject yet another sheriff (in Ohio) who helped ICE deport immigrants.

Senate committee votes to strip Confederate names from military bases, defying #45.

U.S. court tosses $1.4 billion judgment against former Venezuelan oil minister claiming he was not properly notified.

Chinese medical team kicks off mission to help Palestine’s anti-coronavirus fight.

Scottish Parliament votes for immediate suspension of “weapons of oppression” exports to U.S.

Spain vetoes security equipment sales to Israel over human rights violations.

Calls to eliminate school police intensify amid protests

Court of Human Rights deals major blow to Israel’s war on Palestine solidarity.

UN Human Rights Council agrees to hold hearing focused on racial inequality and discrimination that characterizes American society.

San Francisco Bay Bridge blocked by Black Lives Matter activists.

Berkeley Mayor introduces proposal to ban use of chemical weapons by police.

Gangs in abandoned LA communities arrange black/brown truce.

Over one thousand cyclists take over NYC streets on solidarity protest ride over Williamsburgh Bridge.

ACA, restoring affirmative action in California, passes State Assembly bringing it closer to November ballot.

Richmond VA de-statues, toppling confederates and Chris Columbus.

Expert say $17.5 billion writedown by BP proves oil giant knows ‘reserves of oil and gas increasingly worthless.’

To support ‘urgently-needed clean and just energy transition’ 450 groups demand federal regulators rebuff attack on community solar.

DNC’s climate council urges party (what party?) to go beyond Biden plan, calling for fracking ban and $16 trillion renewable energy investment.

Enormous victory for LGBTQ equality as U.S. Supreme Court affirms workplace protections.

44 journalists of color at 200-year-old Phily Inquirer stage sick-out after forcing public apology from editorial staff for blatantly racist headline.

Schechter Award for journalism goes to Winona LaDuke.

Citing known and potential risks, FDA yanks emergency approval of hydroxycloroquine touted by #45 as COVID treatment.

The National Guard Hits Atlanta!

Atlanta called in the National Guard. Here’s what happened: